Digimon Tamers: Cracktastic!
by Fullmetal Ai
Summary: Takato, the ladies man? Hirokazu, the nerd? Kenta, the gangster? Guilmon can read minds? The series, from the Beginning? Oh no! Chaos! [Crackfic! Pairings: Rukato, possible LeeJuri]


**Disclaimer:** Why, no! I don't own Digimon Tamers!

* * *

It was a dark, stormy, and spooky night ..

Or at least, in his dream it was. It was raining, too! That was good. It only added to the spookiness. Anyway, back on topic.

Takato Matsuda floated in the sky, being drenched in rain and unable to move, while looking downwards torwards a street he knew so well, and yet knew nothing about ..

"This is Shibuya street, isn't it? Or is it Orchard Avenue? I don't know! I'm so confused!" Takato cried.

"Awww, shut up!" The girl down on the street called up to him, an annoyed tone dripping from her voice. "This is the scene where I blast that Lynxmon over there to pieces and make my digimon absorb his data!"

"Sorry! Hey, wait, do I know you?"

"No, but you will soon. Now, if we could continue .. "

"Sorry! Sorry! Please, go on!"

"Card Slash!" The girl shouted as she slashed a card through her .. whatever that device was called. Takato was sure he would know soon enough – after all, if his cute dream girl had said that they would meet soon, then it was also probably planned that he would learn the name of that little mechanic piece of junk.

"Speed, Activate!" And with that, the tall golden fox sped out from under Lynxmon, disappearing and reappearing high in the sky, crossing its arms and preparing to attack.

"Diamond Storm!" The fox suddenly yelled(Takato noted it was female), and released an onslaught of diamonds at the other gigantic beast, making him explode into a thousand or so pieces.

_Here's my totally awesome cool part!_ The girl thought to herself with a tiny grin, before she replaced it with a sneer, casting a sideways glance at Takato, who was still floating in the sky.

"What are you looking at? Ditch the pajamas and fight, tamer!"

And with that, the dream faded. Takato awoke in his bed with a start, his hands freezing cold, and his entire body drenched with sweat. He took in a few deep breaths, then scowled.

"Aww, man! I forgot to ask her what her name was! Now I won't know what to call her when I meet her!" Takato wailed loudly for a moment before getting out of bed to dress and get ready for school, which he was already ten minutes late for.

* * *

Takato rushed to the park, deciding that skipping Mrs. Asagi's class just this once wouldn't hurt .. even though he had just done it a week ago, and once the week before. Besides, Hirokazu and Kenta were going to be at the park waiting for him, and he couldn't wait to tell them about his dream.

"So, I was suspended in the air, looking down and watching this really cute girl battling this really huge digimon, and she had her own digimon, and it was reeeeeally cool, and it was RAINING! Seriously! I was still drenched with the rain when I woke up! It was really freaky!"

Hirokazu and Kenta stared for a moment, before commencing in an uncontrollable fit of laughter.

"So you urinated in the bed, Takato? How ironic, since there was rain in your dream!" Hirokazu laughed, snorting many times as he did.

"Yeah, yo! That is not cool, dawg!" Kenta said, laughing loudly and obnoxiously. Takato scowled.

"Yeah, and the worst part was that I didn't get to ask that cute girl for her name! So when I meet her, what am I going to call her?"

"Cutie?"

"Hottie?"

"Dream Girl?"

"... You guys give me very little hope for the future of humanity," Takato sighed, shaking his head in disbelief.

"Well, shall we be off to school? I know I'm going to ace every subject except for Physical Education, but it is still enjoyable to go to school, in any case," Hirokazu said with a cheerful grin. Takato and Kenta nodded.

"Dawg, we all know that I am gonna whip yo' sorry butts at EVERYTHING in PE!"

"Let's get there so you can show us that, Kenta," Takato said with a frown as the three boys stood and walked out of the park. However ..

BEEP BEEP BEEP ..

"Aww, this stupid piece of junk! It's beeping out of control! And I thought my alarm clock was bad .. "

"What you gon' do about it, mah good man?"

"You guys are going ahead of me. I'll go finish the episode." With that, Takato was off. Hirokazu and Kenta looked to each other with blank stares.

"How much you wanna bet he's gon' die when he meets Guilmon?"

"There is only a one in seven hundred and fifty-three chance of him being killed when he meets that huge red dinosaur. Unfortunately, Kenta, I believe you would lose if we placed a bet.

"REALLY? You're on! Five dollars say he dies!"

"I tried to warn you .. fine. Five dollars on Takato's life."

"YES! I am gon' win this, biyotch!" Kenta said, celebrating before he knew. Hirokazu sighed.

"How many times do I have to tell him .. Takato is the main character of this completely proposterous story .. if Takato dies, that's the end of the story. And I think Ai wants to continue this for humerous purposes .."

Suddenly, a crack of thunder sounded.

"Oh, Yes! I am most definitely wanting to continue this, no doubt about it! It's just way too fun to write!"

Hirokazu sighed.

"I knew it."

* * *

"Guilmon .. Guiiiiilmon .. Come out, Come out .. we've gotta finish the episode, remember boy?" A sound came from further into the sewers.

"Jeez. I hate being in the sewers .. I really do. It's not good for my image if I'm dirty .." Takato scowled. "I can't believe I didn't get to ask for her name .. "

"Shut up, Takato. You'll find out soon," A female voice echoed throughout the premises. Takato scowled again.

"Yes, Ai. I know."

"Good. Now that we've gotten that cleared up .."

"Am I gonna end up with that unnamed girl?"

"Yes. Because you two are cute together."

"Ooo! I'm gonna get a girlfriend!"

"Takato .."

"Yeah, Yeah, I know. I'll continue the episode .."

"Good. Now, ACTION!"

"Man, this place stinks .." Takato said as he crawled onwards through the sewers, finally coming to the end of a long tunnel and beginning to descend down the ladder that was provided for him there. Once he had reached level ground again, he heard the constant beeping on his .. mechanical piece of junk intensify, and he looked at the screen, seeing that he was, apparently, at the area that he was supposed to be in. Takato now began to get excited.

"I'm going to get a digimon! His name shall be Guilmon, and he shall be my Guilmon, and he shall be red with black markings, big, brainless .. and MINE! Oh yes, I am SURE to get a girlfriend this way!" As if on cue, there was a gigantic puff of smoke, and Takato was blinded.

"AGH!" And then, by magic, Takato's eyes healed.

"Thank you, Ai!"

"No problem! Remember I love you, okay? You're too cute to die."

"Yeah, much love to you too .." Takato thought with a cringe.

"Want me to revoke that statement?"

"No! No! Continue with the episode!"

"All right, then. Be a good boy! I'll be watching!"

Once the puff of smoke dispersed, there lay a huge, red .. dinosaur. Just as Takato had predicted. His grin grew wider, and he began to get even more excited.

"It's my digimon! It's the one I randomly drew before the episode started! It's .." Takato cowered as Guilmon spat a fireball at two rats who had randomly scurried across one of the sewer pipes.

"It's the thing that's going to kill me!" Takato whined. "What am I gonna do, WHAT AM I GONNA DO!" Takato ran around, then noticed that his creation was coming torwards him at a slow, seemingly rapid pace. Takato fell back onto his butt with a small sound, protecting himself by placing his hands in front of his face.

"Don't kill me, boy! I'm too pretty and cute to be killed now!" The dinosaur stopped. Sniffed. Licked. Happily tackled the boy who cowered in front of him.

"TAKATOMON!" He proclaimed happily.

"GUILMON! Wait .. how did you know my name? I haven't even told you yet .."

"I can read minds and peer into the depths of your soul. I know all about you, Takatomon. Your hopes, your dreams .. your attraction to that girl who you saw in your dream .. your bed wetting problem .."

"WHOA, WHOA! Too much information, boy! I understand, our viewers understand, so we're all happy! Lets end this quick, I've gotta go find that girl soon .." Takato said with a nervous laugh.

"Okay!" Both were silent for a moment.

"Hey, Ai! What do you think we should do for an ending scene?" More silence.

"I guess just a hug will do. Show that you've become friends already."

"Okay." And so, Tamer and Digimon, who have just met and already feel like old friends, embraced for the first time since their meeting .. however, things were about to get harder for the two .. much harder.

"Oh My God, Ai. I know what you were thinking then, and that is NOT RIGHT."

"Takato, we'll talk about that LATER. We have a few more seconds until the cam-"

And all went black, marking the end of episode one of .. Digimon Tamers.

* * *

Well, now that we have a happy meeting for our main Gogglehead and Dino Boy, we are soon to know what's going to happen with them! How are things going to handle themselves? Will Hirokazu fail Physical Education? Will Kenta get a brain? Will Guilmon be too noticeable to other people? And will Takato EVER learn the name of his dream girl? Find out next time on .. Digimon Tamers!

* * *

**A/N:** Two Words! Crack Fic. XD There is a reason for making this, by the way! I haven't been doing too well in the happiness department lately (I've cried more times this month than I have cried in a LONG time. That's saying something) SO. I wanted to do something that would be a bit more fun. I'm in a musical at the moment, and that's very stressful, as well as a bunch of other crap that's been going on. Finally, it's come to the point where, at the moment, I'm home sick from school. I wanted to do something that would provide some entertainment. And so, this idea came along. My last crack fic failed miserably – and it was made when I was young, stupid, and full of grammatical errors. So, i'm trying again, because everyone needs a little big of crack now and then.

The main pairings in this fic .. there is going to be DEFINATE Rukato. All of the tamers' personalities won't be as they are in the anime or the manga – they're going to be much different. As you can probably already see, Takato is the flirtatious, girl-crazy boy. Kenta is the gangster. Hirokazu is the nerd/smart guy. Guilmon can read minds, but he is still quite brainless. The personalities of Ruki, Jenrya, Shuichon, the other Ai, Mako, Ryou, and a bunch of others will be changed to fit the purpose of this fiction – which is to provide a good laugh to all who read it. If you have laughed, I have done my job. :3 I'm going to continue this, I believe .. it'll be fun. :3 Chapters will probably just randomly appear from time to time, so keep up!

The overlord Ai is me. :3 Yes. I am the overlord Ai. The characters will constantly be communicating back and forth with me, though I will never actually make a full-body appearance. My voice will just be there to get the characters back on track.

Character Bashing – There might be some. I apologize in advance for this, however, If I bash any of the characters, I will make sure that they are healed before the end of the chapter that they are bashed in.

Thank you for reading this, and I will be sure to make my author's notes shorter in the future!


End file.
